crazy dreams, crazy.



So I was in a big van like thing old van maybe 80's? Racing down the road which was dappled with disgustingly gorey roadkill. Brandon was in another car on the side of the road which was pulled over by the police. So the police stopped us and told us we had to take them, and one of them was really really really cute, really cute. Longer brown hair (down to his shoulders and layered) and green eyes and really pale milky skin, and his lips were that stained red like after a red lollipop, He looked juts like a K-doll Karon. And I think I fell in love with the kid. Then there was another guy with them, really skinny like the first guy and really attractive too, his hair was shorter blond (but still below the eyebrows and over the ears) and he had a slight acne problem. I got the vibe he was digging me a lot. He looked me up and down a few times.


They didn't say much and climbed in the 3rd row back seats. We drove off and immediately they started acting like immature boys as always. The really cute brunet kid was hanging out the window for some reason and he was trying to climb back inside, the blond kid tried to help him inside and Brandon was laughing and pushed brunet kids his forehead. Mind you we were going like 80 mph so he lost his grip and splattered all over the road, it was so graphic. I saw his head punch out and his brains splatter everywhere, his torso twisted around so much his organs squirted out and I could see his green eyes staring shocked after the van. There were 2 other dead bodies smeared all over the pavement. They were girls, looked to be strippers of prostitutes. So everyone was obviously dead...


Everyone was screaming and the girl driving hit the gas. Then we were in a restaurant hotel like thing. Well, I was. There was a little bread server thing like at panera, and I was really scarred and shit. Then the girl driving (who's name I didn't get, but now that I think of it she's really cute) she showed up and said something along the lines that it was okay and noone would know. Then another girl showed up with choppy black hair, glasses, and she was dressed all lolita inspired. I remember I wasn't fond of her. Then Brandon showed up without the blond kid. And we all just stood there for awhile when the police showed up again and we all got really scarred. So after than I don't remember anything.

Haven't updated in forever. GOT MY CAVITIES! They. are. dead. B)


My teeth still throb and are very tender though and it's already been more than a week since I had them done. Going back tomorrow to get another Xray, maybe they missed something. Or fucked something up.



Justin is talking to me again since "time goes on, guess he's not mad anymore." 9_9 idk. But I wasn't going to argue, I was just overjoyed he was talking to me again. I think I might be in love. Even though I can't feel love. Noone gets me steamed up the way he does, just talking to him is enough. It's insane.

Basic functions: Rotation (medial and lateral), adduction, abduction, circumduction, flexion, extension.

Rotation medial: To pour a cup of tea
lateral: throwing toast


Adduction: (horizontal) to hug yourself, to show something off) grab the lateral femur

abduction: Reach up, to get that pesky cat off your china cabinet.

circumduction: swimming

Flexion: eating cheese

extension: sneaky lowfive


Superspanatous: makes all movement possible by tightening the humerus to the scapula

"you have a rotator cuff injury, you're going to have to SITS out the game"





Aspartame:

Aspartame is an atrificial sweetener that is derived from amino acids, and broken down in the stomach as a protein.
One of the most tested food adatives around. 25 years to be exact. It is generally regarded as safe, and most people can use it in moderation without adverse effects.

However, headaches, migranes (moderate to severe) and in rare cases convulsions may occur. This happens when the brain is expecting glucose and thus releases insulin causing a greater intake of glucose. This causes weight gain.

Also, some speculate that apsartame can cause liver damage. There is no factious data that support this.


Aspartame should not be taken by people that have PKU (Phenaliketone-urics) as it contains the amino acid pheno alenine which can cause brain damage in that particular population.

So today was freaking awesome. We sang loud and obnoxiously in Massage today, as well as danced about a Pokemon musical that Kira and I decided needs to happen. Took a freaking 40 minute break at work XDDD and pretty much just talked to Mercedes and Jen then whole time. Jon too a bit. And when I got home I talked to Hannah for like fucking.... 2 hours?



Omg today was a great day. a GREAT day. And I found out RHPS is in Barberton! And also that PeelanderZ is coming to Akron in ... May?? Omg SO Excited for that.

a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a condition in which a single person displays multiple distinct identities or personalities (known as alter egos or alters), each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. The diagnosis requires that at least two personalities routinely take control of the individual's behavior with an associated memory loss that goes beyond normal forgetfulness; in addition, symptoms cannot be due to drug use or medical condition. Earlier versions of the DSM named the condition multiple personality disorder (MPD), and the term is still used by the ICD-10.



Fania: Do you want me to pick you up after school while I'm out?
Justin: Why?
Fania: To hang out?

***2 hours later***
Fania: pick you up yes?
Justin: No. You DID creep
Fania: Wtf? What are you talking about?
Justin: You have DID
Fania: What's that?
Justin: Look it up
Fania: I don't have that! Even if I did is that a reason not to be friends?
Justin: it's a reason not to deal with your shit


That hurt Justin. He was so special to me. So special. I could eat around him, that sounds so stupid but I could eat around him when i wasn't even hungry. It took me 3 years to be able to eat around Hannah and sometimes I still get nervous. Hannah is my fucking best friend of my life.

I don't even know what to do anymore.

IGNORE THIS MY E-MAIL IS BEING A BITCH AND I NEED SOMEWHERE TO PUT THIS.





Hello Animarathon staff,

My name is Stefania Perkinson and I was hoping to get two spaces for the Artist alley. The first space would be for selling my professionally made Ball Jointed Doll clothing, Jewlery and dreads. The second space, if allowed, would be for my use of Massage on whomever may want one. This space does *not need a table as a massage chair will be in it's place.

I am a 1st term student at the National Institute of Massotherapy and I would be using a massage chair. Prices are as shown and also there will be a discount for convention staff as follows:
$5 for 5 minutes
(con staff) $3 for 5 minutes
$10 for 10 minutes
(con staff) $6.50 for 10 minutes
$15 for 15 minutes
(con staff) $12 for 15 minutes.


Also I will be with a co worker so we can watch both tables. Her name is Hannah Middendorf. If you would send two contracts I would be happy to give her one.


Thank you very much
Stefania Perkinson

SO EXCITED! I might be getting an artist alley spot (even though the deadline was January 12th) doing Massage! >w<


I'll be charging $10 for 10 minutes $22 for a half hour. ^_______^ Great way to practice, and I get munies for it too! Fairly cheap too.








Also, Dir en grey's Red Soil. Is halarious.

Columbo is with Jessica again. I don't know why, but I feel terrible... which is really stupid if I never loved him.
What's even more stupid is that I know I'm jealous and I know I can't do anything about it.




Oh yeah and over the con I realized that I can't feel love for a person anymore. As in I can't fall in love anymore. That's the only explanation I have for not being in love with Columbo, not loving Jon, or Justin, and not loving Matt. (damn I liked a lot of kids...)So congratulations Cory,you broke me.






p.s.
con report later.

Well first I'd like to say that I am officially updating Emette. I'm Buying a WS active line small bust MNF body and a sleeping MNF Ryeon head which will be modded open to my exact specifications by a professional modder.I'm getting her a carrot wig, and hacking her bangs to hell... I need to get her some stunning blue/green eyes also.

I'm ordering a WS Iple house Tania within the week. Sometime in the future I will get her a curly white LONG wig only to chop off the back. She's getting a sickly faceup and white eyelashes. and the palest blue eyes you ever did see.
I only pray that she get here before Ohayocon. =o=
I have created a new character. She's the cutest little, or rather big I should say, thing you'll ever see. Look up Soom's Beryl. Her body and a different head for certain. She'll also be Beauty white (big surprise)she'll have long curly white hair or possibly pale pale pink. Coal Black horns and hooves of a goat. A lions tail. And Sultry sweet eyes. Her persona is very shy, very sweet, and quiet. She's adorable and I'll begin saving for her after I clean out my room.



No seriously, I need to clear out my room, I have 3 fish tanks I don't use, a coffee table, 6 pars of shoes I don't want an entire closet full of clothes, and a rug I hate.
I need some serious bins for this shit. I WANT A BLOODY NICE ROOM DAMNIT!

I'm done rambling 8D

So for Christmas I got Hannah a Turtle which he named Turtwig. (Yes after the pokemon XD) And we took it to petsmart to get the rundown on the guy. So The guy there told us Turtwig is a girl, is mainly a carnivore, the species she was blah blah blah.


Basically fifteen minutes later he's like: Oh yeah, btw red eared sliders are an endangered species and illegal to own. ^___^




Our reaction= 0.0 WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?!!?

I broke it off with Jon. He was falling in love with me and I couldn't let myself get his hopes up as I will probably never love him. We're still a little more than friends though. c:



Noone makes me feel like Justin did, and I didn't let myself love him. I wish Justin would come back in my life. I'm so miserable now. :/





Misery is so boring.




Also, exciting news exciting indeed! Because Emilie Autumn and Dir en grey are playing within 2 days of each other I've decided to stay in New York and I even have a place to stay! :DDD Horray for Yami having buddies in NYC. We're going to shower there and not smell like dead things. 8D

Yeah I know I've said it a million times, but seriously, I feel like such a bloody pedo for liking Jon. I know it's only a 2 and a half age difference. But still, 16. That's so young!




I've never smiled more than when I'm with you. And it's never been so hard to kiss someone.




I'm a little confused.



I think I'm using Jon, I'm forcing myself to get over Justin and the feelings for Sarah and Corey that Justin resurfaced from the pit of my being. Jon makes me forget about almost everything bad that anyone has done. Or made me feel. I don't love him. And I don't think I have a future with him.





I'd like so badly to be wrong about this one.

http://www.jpopasia.com/lyrics/dir_en_grey/





i enjoy this...

OMG I FEEL SO NASTY!!!





I feel like I'm going to heave. D:




Blehhhhhhhhhhh, puke puke puke.




In other news, Justin= a bad guy
I listen to Liz and Liz said that he's a heartless jackass and thinks he may be incapable of love. I can't believe I fell for a guy like that. I'm just so lucky I kept my distance and stayed cautious. Otherwise I'd be a complete wreck. :<

Although I must say, I did very much want to be the one he could love.

So I'm fairly certain that things are over between Justin and me. Which would kill I'm certain if I wasn't so numb to everything.



I'm quite positive we'll end up together in the future, until then I will do everything in my power to make him miss me. c: (joke) That's the man I'm going to marry. Yep right thar.







DIR EN GREY= COMING TO NORTH AMERICA AGAIN



FUCKING BLOODY YES MAN!!! They're playing on my birthday NOT anywhere near where I can see them. They're out to get me man. However I will be going to Pensilvania and possibly New York if I can A: find a ride or B: drive by then.
(not having a license when your 18 sucks sometimes.) I'm goin man nothings going to stop me.



......so......who's going to be my Diru club posey?

So this morning I woke up the what I've wanted to see more than anything for the past month now.



"Hey beautiful! I miss you so much can you get a bus to come down here soon?"

"Uh yeah I think I can tomorrow, is there any particular reason?"

"Nope, I just want to see you. :) I was a real jackass I'm sorry. :("


I woke up to a text from Justin and I was so filled with joy I didn't even know what to say. Then I woke up and checked my phone again. It was only a dream.







It was nothing but a dream

So right about now my life is steadily going into a major depression.


I have a shit job

The person I'm supposed to be with refuses to talk to me because he's scared of love

My cat is possibly deadly sick

My best friend is moving to Wooster and I'll barely see her

My cousin is going into the Marines in the fall

I feel like hell

I miss Justin so fucking much I want to rip out my heart and squeeze my lungs

I'm scared to shit about the possibility that Justin and I are over even though we're supposed to be.

I'm getting Panic attacks fairly often

I fucking acknowledged that I'm getting panic attacks and not joking about it.

It's a possibility that I may have to go on medication.

My hair is fucking green GREEN and I *Cannot dye it another color unless I use bleach*

I so scared Justin doesn't feel the same as he did before.

So Winston is upset with Justin at the moment, annnnnnd he's making me fat. I have gained 4... probably more pounds in like 2 days. =3=

So I'm not hungry at all and haven't been all day but I'm still shoving food down my throat, it's getting embarrassing. I mean damn Winston just because you have an eating disorder doesn't mean that you need to make ME a fatty! D:



My weight should pounce down to 113 in a flash once I stop eating myself to death.




I really want food bad right now...




You piss me off sometimes sweetypie.

It really was a dark brooding night last night. Damn.


I'm starting to think about going on medication, I really really don't want to though. So as long as my parents don't suspect anything I'm not going to say a word.



But seriously the Dark Night was fucking awesome. hose of you who said it was too long: FUCK YOU TO BLOODY FUCK it wasn't long enough mother fuckers!
Also, Ruth did another Tarot reading for me yesterday about whether I will end up with Spike or not. The outcome is very positive and the reason he refuses to talk to me now is because he's trying to push me away. He loves me and doesn't necessarily want to but he's so afraid of being hurt again he feels he must.


i can respect that.


Sarah and Ruth both think I can find someone way better, but noone has ever made me feel the way Spike does.





I still feel that looming feeling that something is wrong, but it's much more faint.

You don't know Reginald!? WHAT IS THIS BLASPHAMY!?!


Best evarrrr.


"Reginald there is a boy that does not know of you."

"What? wait who?"

"....Justin... he does not know of Reginald remember?"

"oh yes, Reginald Justin does not know of you!!"

Reginalds response was that of such fury that he looked as if he didn't care or could possibly be a bit scared of the two monstrous figures looming above him in his small wire cage.